B4CK FRM TH D3AD
- facethyfear
- Aug 12
- 3 min read
Intro
Some people think “back from the dead” is just a saying.
It’s not.
It’s what happens when you’ve been to the edge — when your body’s shutting down, your spirit’s almost gone, and the world’s already planning your funeral.
I’ve been there.
I’ve felt my own expiration date hanging over me.
I’ve watched the light dim, not knowing if it would come back on.
I survived liver failure.
I fought through years of addiction.
I walked side by side with LQXA and Snowbella — my nicknames for the poison that almost buried me.
And somehow, I made it here — 999 days sober from alcohol at the time of writing this.
Alive. Awake.
With a message for anyone still in the shadows:
You can come back too.
B4CK FRM TH D3AD (Back From the Dead)
I was a dead man walking — breathing, but gone inside.
They had roses for me, but they died.
One flower withered. Another bloomed.
That’s life telling you:
You can’t live for what’s fading.
You have to live for yourself.
They thought I was wildin’ for no reason.
But my skin is a scrapbook of survival.
Skulls and barbed wire burned into my arms —
pain I chose when I couldn’t control the pain life gave me.
My nose piercing. My double helix.
Done in moments when hurt felt better than numb.
I get it.
I have my demons too.
I used to think about ending it — every single day.
I survived liver failure.
That means I’m back from the dead.
Now I crawl through darkness for a living — and I love it.
Headlamp burning.
Dust in my lungs.
The low hum of an A/C unit in a room no sunlight ever touched.
The same shadows that used to swallow me
are now where I bring comfort,
where I make my living,
where I prove light can work anywhere.
But make no mistake —
LQXA and Snowbella are still out there.
They’re running up their murder rate,
popping champagne over another body that won’t see tomorrow.
They celebrate destruction like it’s a holiday.
And I refuse to give them another toast in my name.
When I’m in the darkness, I’m strapped up with my kit.
If my demons want smoke, then it’s up, bitch.
I don’t just survive here — I work here.
I build here.
I shine here.
Navigating the Darkness — The FTF Code™
Alan Watts said you don’t get rid of darkness by fighting it — you bring in light.
But before you shine, you have to learn how to move through the night.
1. Stop Running from the Night
Sit with it.
Learn its roads.
It’s not here to break you — it’s here to build you.
2. Keep a Map in Your Mind
When you can’t see, you need vision.
Know your why.
Carry it like a compass.
3. Light Small Fires
A prayer.
A call.
A seed planted on your porch.
Each spark keeps the cold away until morning.
4. Don’t Go Alone
Find others who’ve been here.
Pass the torch.
Shine together.
5. Remember: You Will See Again
No night lasts forever.
When your light breaks through,
you’ll shine with proof that love still blooms — even in pitch black.
FTF Truth™
I was a dead man walking.
Now I walk alive.
The ink on my skin is my scripture.
The metal in my ears is my history.
My scars and my style are my testimony.
One flower died.
Another bloomed.
And now — I LIVE TO LOVE™.
FTF Memory Verse
“Even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to You.” – Psalm 139:12
© Malcolm Pannell — FaceThyFear (FTF), FTF Proof™, ZN.4™, Liqesha (LQXA)™, Snowbella™.
All rights reserved.
Official site: ftfnow.net
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