FTF Journal: Healing the Bloodline
- facethyfear
- Oct 26
- 6 min read
Editor’s Note — A New Chapter for FTF
FaceThyFear has always been about survival, truth, and transformation. But this next chapter is about peace.
In this season, Malcolm Pannell — known as FTF Proof — is shifting the focus from pain to purpose.
No longer writing from the chaos, but from the calm that came after it.
No longer chasing redemption, but living in it.
“Healing the Bloodline” marks the beginning of that new direction — a reflection on faith, love, and legacy.
It’s about learning how to protect peace, lead with humility, and show the next generation that healing is possible.
This isn’t just a story about recovery — it’s about restoration.
Welcome to the new FaceThyFear era: Peace. Purpose. Presence.
INTRODUCTION
There was a time when I didn’t have much — no car, no clean record, and no real direction.
But God had a plan even when I couldn’t see it.
Today, I wake up with purpose. I work for a company that values culture, respect, and genuine customer service.
Every day I learn something new, and the other techs are quick to share what they know.
That kind of energy means everything to me.
FAITH, LOVE & LEADERSHIP
I have a woman who believed in me when I had nothing. She saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself.
We’re eight years apart, but we meet in the middle through faith, patience, and love.
She trusts my leadership — not because I control her, but because she feels safe beside me.
That kind of trust is sacred.
We’re getting married on November 7th, a date she chose because it’s close to my sobriety anniversary.
This November, I’ll celebrate three years sober from alcohol — something I once thought I’d never be able to say.
The fact that she tied our wedding date to that part of my story shows me how deeply she understands me.
Our love isn’t built on my past — it’s built on my healing. This union already feels like redemption in motion.
HEALING THE BLOODLINE
I want our marriage to set an example for my family and community, because I’ve seen what broken homes can do.
Too many families fall apart by choice, and it hurts to see children grow up learning pain before peace.
Those kids often learn to cope by numbing their emotions — the same way I once did.
But I want to change that story.
Even at home, peace shows up in small ways.
My cat — who appeared on our doorstep the very day we moved in — has become my little buddy.
He plays, naps, and even eats when we do.
Sometimes I lie in bed with her and the cat curled beside me, and I feel this wave of calm in my chest —
that deep, quiet joy you can’t fake.
If I could purr, I would.
That’s what peace after the storm feels like.
I’m not saying I’m better than anyone. I’m just grateful.
Grateful to be sober.
Grateful to have stability.
Grateful to have a clean record, a car that starts, and insurance that’s paid.
Most of all, grateful to have a relationship with God — not religion, relationship.
He’s the reason I can breathe easy and live with peace.
Happiness doesn’t have to shout.
It lives in the little things — in laughter before bed, in morning coffee,
in knowing you survived what was meant to destroy you.
I love my life.
And if my story helps even one person find hope, then everything I went through was worth it.
THE SPIRITUAL MEANING OF MARRIAGE
Marriage isn’t just a partnership — it’s a covenant.
A spiritual bond between two people and God.
Across every faith, it’s described as something sacred:
a place of peace, growth, and shared purpose.
Ephesians 5:25 — “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
→ That’s not about control — it’s about sacrifice. About leading through love, not fear.
Proverbs 18:22 — “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
→ Marriage is a blessing — a favor, not a burden.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 — “Two are better than one… if either of them falls, one can help the other up.”
→ That’s what partnership is supposed to be — strength, not struggle.
Genesis 2:24 — “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
→ It’s about starting new — not carrying old pain into a fresh promise.
Other faiths echo the same truth:
The Qur’an (30:21) — Marriage is a sign of divine mercy and tranquility.
Hindu texts (Rig Veda 10.85) — Two souls joining to walk toward truth.
Buddhism — Love grounded in compassion and mindfulness.
Judaism’s Talmud — “A man without a wife is not a complete man.”
Different words. Same meaning.
Love, when aligned with God, becomes a mirror of peace.
LOVE THROUGH RECOVERY: WHAT AA & NA TEACH
AA and NA don’t hand out marriage advice — they hand out spiritual principles.
And those principles work in every kind of relationship.
AA’s Big Book says:
“We try to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life.”
That’s not about rules — it’s about responsibility.
It means love should be honest, clean, and anchored in faith.
It also says:
“God alone can judge our sex situation.”
No one gets to define your love story but you and God.
NA’s Basic Text teaches:
“We learn to value ourselves, which allows us to value others.”
Before recovery, many of us didn’t know what healthy love looked like — but now we do.
Both programs remind us that relationships in recovery must be built on the same things that keep us sober:
honesty, humility, accountability, and faith.
They warn against rushing love before you rebuild yourself.
Because if your foundation is shaky, no relationship can stand.
But when two people walk in recovery together — growing, praying, forgiving —
love becomes powerful medicine.
That’s what this next chapter of my life represents.
Not perfection. Not performance. Just presence.
Two people walking with God, learning to build peace from the inside out.
Closing Reflection — The Proof Lives On
Every word I write now comes from peace, not pain.
I used to tell stories to survive. Now, I tell them to help others live.
God didn’t just save me from addiction — He gave me back the vision I almost threw away.
The same heart that once chased destruction now beats for purpose, family, and truth.
If you’ve made it this far, I want you to know — healing is possible.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to start.
This is FTF Proof.
This is what recovery looks like when you build it with God.
SHARE YOUR STORY: JOIN THE FTF MOVEMENT
Your story matters.
Every scar, every lesson, every small victory — it all has power.
If you’ve overcome addiction, depression, heartbreak, or fear,
your voice can inspire someone who’s still in the storm.
FTF was built on that belief — that courage becomes contagious when we tell the truth.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
Start small. Write your truth. Share it.
Visit ftfnow.net to read, submit, or collaborate on upcoming FTF Journal features.
Healing doesn’t happen in silence — it happens when we face our fears together.
FTF COPYRIGHT & BRAND NOTICE
© 2025 FaceThyFear (FTF). All rights reserved.
All names, likenesses, and works including FTF, FTF Proof, ZN.4, Liqesha (LQXA), and Snowbella
are original creative properties of Malcolm Pannell.
Unauthorized use, reproduction, or distribution of FTF content — in whole or in part — without written consent
is prohibited by law.
For official publications, collaborations, or permissions, visit ftfnow.net.
DISCLAIMER
The reflections shared in this article represent personal experiences, opinions, and beliefs.
They are not intended as professional advice or a substitute for therapy, treatment, or religious guidance.
If you are struggling with addiction, mental health, or relationship challenges,
please reach out to a licensed counselor, sponsor, or trusted spiritual advisor.
HELPFUL RESOURCES
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, or emotional pain,
here are trusted and confidential resources:
SAMHSA National Helpline — 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA.org) — Find meetings and support near you
Narcotics Anonymous (NA.org) — Recovery communities worldwide
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Dial 988 for 24/7 mental health support
Celebrate Recovery — Faith-based healing and accountability groups
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