Face It or Fake It

By Malcolm FTF

You ever catch yourself shaking and don’t even know why?

Standing there, doing something simple like washing dishes —

and outta nowhere, your body starts telling the truth your mouth won’t?

Yeah.

That happened to me.

I tried to act like I was okay.

Tried to brush it off.

Smile it away.

But deep down, I knew…

I wasn’t fine.

And the scariest part?

I had gotten good at pretending.

The Weight You Can’t See

See, we grow up thinking trauma gotta look loud.

Gunshots. Screams. Sirens.

That’s what we call “real pain,” right?

But what about the silent stuff?

The empty rooms?

The broken promises nobody talks about?

The way a kid can feel invisible even with a roof over his head?

That’s trauma too.

It just doesn’t leave a scar you can point at.

The Night I Should’ve Broken Down (But Didn’t)

I’ll never forget it.

Packed house. Laughter. Music. Bottles clinking.

I was in a room full of people — but felt more alone than ever.

Somebody slapped my back and said, “You good, bro?”

I laughed it off. Took another drink. Played the role.

Inside, I wanted to scream.

Wanted to cry.

Wanted to disappear.

But survival taught me:

Smile. Swallow it. Move on.

That night, a part of me died — and nobody even noticed.

The Real Cost of “Brushing It Off”

When you don’t deal with your hurt, it deals with you.

You don’t get to skip pain.

You just pay for it later —

in anger you can’t control,

in relationships you sabotage,

in addictions you chase trying to feel alive.

Brushing it off kept me breathing.

But it kept me from living.

It built walls so high, I almost forgot there was sky above me.

The Man I Refuse to Stay

I don’t want to be the man who fakes strength anymore.

I don’t want to be the husband who checks out.

The father who can’t say “I love you” without choking on it.

The leader who looks the part but dies on the inside.

I want to be real.

Solid.

Somebody my future family can lean on.

Somebody my younger self can finally be proud of.

The Price of Healing — and Why It’s Worth It

Let’s be honest:

Healing is messy.

It’s ugly cries and ugly truths.

It’s shaking hands and sleepless nights.

But I’ll tell you this —

No matter how hard life gets, I still feel freer than I’ve ever been.

No chains.

No lies.

No pretending.

Just me.

Standing.

Sometimes shaking — but still standing.

FaceThyFear: Face It or Fake It

At FaceThyFear, we don’t wear masks.

We wear our scars.

We tell the truth — even when it’s ugly.

Because silence never saved anybody.

Truth builds warriors.

Truth saves lives.

Truth sets you free.

Final Words: Choose Your Side

You got two choices:

Keep faking it until the weight crushes you.

Or face it — and build a life worth living.

You can’t do both.

You gotta choose.

Face it or fake it.

Every damn day.

I chose to face it.

And I ain’t never going back.

A Message Right on Time (Mr.7’s Reminder)

Funny thing —

Right when I almost quit writing this, my brother Mr.7 hit me with a message.

It was a simple reading for today, April 27:

“Crying only a little bit is no use. You must cry until your pillow is soaked. Then you can get up and laugh.”

— Galway Kinnell

It hit me like a punch to the chest.

Most of us were raised to bottle it up.

Smile through it.

Be “strong.”

But real strength?

Real freedom?

It’s feeling it all the way through — so it don’t control you no more.

Mr.7 didn’t even know what I was fighting today.

But somehow, that message found me anyway.

And it reminded me:

This work matters.

Healing out loud matters.

Telling the truth matters.

So I kept writing.

And I’ll keep facing it — every day God gives me breath.

Facing It: Real Steps to Heal

You don’t just face your pain by talking about it once.

You face it every day — by moving different.

Here’s some real steps that helped me — and might help you too:

1. Tell the Truth (at least to yourself first)

Stop pretending you’re okay when you’re not.

It’s not weakness — it’s survival.

Healing starts with honesty. Even if nobody else believes you — you have to.

2. Find Your People

Recovery wasn’t made to be done alone.

Find one person who can handle your truth without flinching — a sponsor, a friend, a mentor.

If you don’t have one yet, pray for one. God sends soldiers when you’re ready.

3. Get in Therapy (Real Therapy)

Therapy ain’t just for “crazy” people — it’s for the strong ones who refuse to die with secrets.

Sometimes you need a safe place to say it all out loud, with no judgment, no fake masks.

Therapy doesn’t erase the past — but it helps you carry it without letting it break you.

4. Build Daily Habits That Fight for You

Healing is boring sometimes.

Reading your Bible. Writing your thoughts down.

Showing up to work. Drinking water instead of liquor.

Small moves make big waves. Brick by brick.

5. Forgive Yourself — For Real

You’re not who you used to be.

You’re allowed to heal.

You’re allowed to move forward without dragging your shame behind you.

6. Face the Triggers, Don’t Bow to Them

You will get shook. You will feel that itch.

You might even fall once or twice.

But you don’t have to bow to it anymore.

Prayer is stronger than cravings.

Community is louder than loneliness.

7. Remember Why You Started

Every time you want to quit, remember who you’re fighting for:

The future you.

The family you haven’t met yet.

The man or woman you’re becoming.

Freedom is worth it.

Final Line:

“You can fake it for the world, or face it for yourself.

Choose healing.

Choose life.

Choose freedom.”