From Chaos to Clarity: A Moment in the Rain Locker

From Chaos to Clarity: A Moment in the Rain Locker

Last night, anxiety hit me hard. It came out of nowhere, suffocating and relentless. But instead of letting it take over, I turned to something that always helps—I stepped into the rain locker. That’s what my dad used to call the shower, and for me, it’s more than just a place to get clean. It’s where I go to reset.

With the sound of water pouring down, steam rising around me, and music playing in the background, I started to pray. The Third Step Prayer came to mind—a prayer that’s become a cornerstone in my life:

“God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always.”

As the words filled my mind, I began to let go. I surrendered the anxiety, the weight of everything I’d been carrying, and let the Lord do His thing. And in that moment, I felt a shift. The storm inside me began to settle.

The Weight of Memories

Sometimes, the reminders of my past come unexpectedly. Like when Facebook pulls up a memory from years ago or when I find an old item I forgot I even had. Those memories, those objects—they transport me back to a version of myself I barely recognize. A version buried in chaos, numbing the pain with heavy drinking and hard drugs.

I think back to those days and wonder, How did I get there? What made me think it was okay to drown myself like that? Maybe it was the pressure of my own pain, the chaos of family fights, or simply trying to fill a void I didn’t understand. It worked for a while—until it didn’t.

Now, when I see those reminders, they don’t drag me down like they used to. Instead, they show me how far I’ve come.

Signs from Above

As I was reflecting on this, something incredible happened. My friend, Mr. 7, sent me a message out of the blue:

“Do I want to keep sober a lot more than I want to get drunk?”

It stopped me in my tracks. It was simple, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. It felt like God was speaking to me through him, reminding me of the choice I make every day.

When I think about that question, the answer is clear now. But it wasn’t always. There was a time when drinking and using felt like the only way to cope. Today, I see it for what it really was—an escape that led me deeper into darkness. And now? Sobriety has given me a light I never want to let go of.

The Journey Forward

When I stepped out of that shower last night, I felt renewed. Not just because the anxiety had lifted, but because I’d been reminded of how far I’ve come. Moments like these—standing in the rain locker, praying, and receiving messages like Mr. 7’s—show me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I don’t have all the answers to how I got here or why I thought it was okay to go down such a destructive path. But maybe I don’t need all the answers. Maybe it’s enough to know that I’ve made it through the storm. And every day, I get to choose to keep going.

Reflection and Gratitude

If you’re reading this and you’re struggling, I want to leave you with this: It’s never too late to ask yourself that same question. Do you want to keep sober more than you want to stay stuck? It’s not an easy choice, but it’s the one that can change everything.

For me, it took moments of surrender—like stepping into the rain locker and saying the Third Step Prayer—and reminders from friends like Mr. 7 to stay the course. Every day is a gift, and I’m grateful for the chance to keep choosing recovery.

Resources for Recovery

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, these resources can help:

• Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org (https://www.aa.org)

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): www.samhsa.gov (https://www.samhsa.gov) or call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

• National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA): www.drugabuse.gov (https://www.drugabuse.gov)

• Celebrate Recovery: www.celebraterecovery.com (https://www.celebraterecovery.com)

Remember, you are not alone. Help is available, and hope is real.

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