From the Flames: How Grilling Helped Me Recover from Liqesha (LQXA)
- facethyfear
- Jul 25
- 4 min read
by FTF Proof | ZN.4 Certified | ftfnow.net
“I didn’t just quit cocaine and Liqesha. I had to relearn peace—and I found it through fire.”
These days, I move with more intention. I’ve learned not to take on too much too soon. Recovery showed me how sacred my peace is. So I protect it—quietly, carefully. Right now, my focus is tight: work, school, and planning my wedding in November.
And in between all of that, I grill.
Out there, by the heat of the coals, I find rhythm. I pray over the food. I tend to my garden. I reset. That’s my therapy.
🧯 ZN.4 FIRE PRACTICE
Before I got clean, I was stuck in cycles. Liqesha had me wrapped up—drunk, numb, disconnected. Cooking was something I used to love, but I lost that passion in the fog.
I’d be too twisted to remember what I cooked. Other times, I’d be in a kitchen with someone who criticized everything I did. The ten years I spent in addiction are mostly a blur, but I remember the feeling: lost.
I remember searching for cocaine crumbs on the floor. I remember driving high in company vehicles, trembling so bad I couldn’t grip a key. I was breaking down—mind, body, and spirit.
That was rock bottom. And somehow, by grace, that was also the turning point.
When I finally walked away from cocaine and Liqesha, and gave my life to God, the real transformation began.
Now I find peace in smoke, in seasoning, in silence. The fire didn’t kill me—it refined me.
🔥 THIS IS GRILL THERAPY
I don’t have a pit—I have a solid barbecue grill. And I’ve been using it nonstop since my pops bought it for me. There’s something powerful about working with open flame.
I use a mix of coals depending on the vibe:
Lump hardwood for clean, steady heat
Apple charcoal for sweet, mellow smoke
A bit of hickory when I want that deep Southern punch
I recently discovered disposable grill toppers, too. No scraping, no sticking—just clean grates and smooth cooking. It’s the little things that elevate the experience.
When I grill, I multitask with purpose. I water my plants, trim the garden, or knock out some maintenance on the car. Music’s always on. I pray before I season and after I finish cooking.
My fiancé even lights up when she tastes my food. That joy on her face? That’s what I cook for. That’s the moment that reminds me I’m free.
Even at work, eating cold grilled chicken from my ice chest, it brings me back to the fire—to the healing.
🍗 THE FTF GRILLED CHICKEN RITUAL
🔥 Ingredients
3 parts Kinder’s Woodfired Garlic
1 part McCormick Grill Mates Brazilian Steakhouse
Olive oil
Bone-in chicken wings or thighs
🛠️ Directions
Pat chicken dry, coat with olive oil.
Mix your 3:1 seasoning blend and rub generously.
Let marinate in the fridge—at least 2 hours (overnight is even better).
Build your fire: lump charcoal base, apple charcoal on top, add hickory if you want boldness.
Grill indirect first, then sear at the end. Bring internal temp to 165°F.
🌽 GRILLED CORN ON THE HUSK
When I grill corn, I keep it natural. No seasoning, no butter, no olive oil. Just fresh corn wrapped in foil, grilled to perfection.
🌿 Directions
Soak corn (still in husk) in water for 15–20 minutes.
Wrap in aluminum foil.
Grill on medium heat for 15–20 minutes, turning occasionally.
Peel and eat fresh—no extras needed.
🥤 SOBER DRIP: THE RECOVERY REFRESHER
This is my go-to drink after a cookout. It’s cool, refreshing, and 100% sober—but it still hits.
🌿 Ingredients
Ginger Ale
Mango-Cranberry Juice
Grape or Black Cherry Sparkling Water
🛠️ Directions
Fill a glass with ice.
Add equal parts ginger ale and mango-cran.
Top off with sparkling water and stir.
Drink chilled, proud, and hydrated.
🌻 OUTSIDE MY WINDOW
My tomato plants are over eight feet tall. My sunflowers too—standing like they know they were born for the light.
I’m from ZN.4. Southwest Atlanta raised me, but recovery molded me. I used to be out there serving destruction. Now I grow life.
Back when I was lost in cocaine and Liqesha, I couldn’t imagine peace like this. But ever since I surrendered, my life’s been transformed.
Now? I wake up, pray, cook, plant, and build. I don’t need to talk too much—my lifestyle speaks for itself.
What was given to me freely, I now share freely. That’s FaceThyFear. That’s ZN.4 rebirth.
📖 FTF Bible Verse
God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
— 1 John 4:16
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are the intellectual property of Malcolm Pannell.
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