The Garden That Grew Me Back
- facethyfear
- May 26
- 3 min read

by Malcolm Pannell
Founder of FaceThyFear (FTF) | Grower of Life | Zone 4 Forever
There’s a kind of peace the world can’t give you.
You won’t find it in a bottle, a pill, or a screen.
But you might just find it in a handful of soil.
This story isn’t just about me—it’s for anyone who’s ever felt disconnected, overwhelmed, or like they’re barely holding it together.
It’s for people searching for healing but tired of sitting in silence.
It’s about how the ground under your feet might be the most honest place to start over.
You Don’t Need Much to Start—Just Intention
I didn’t have money. I didn’t have furniture. I didn’t have peace.
But I had one thing—a sweet potato slip a customer gave me after I fixed her AC.
That slip sat with me. Through the noise. Through the fear.
And when I finally got my own place, I repotted it like it was sacred.
That one act of care turned into a movement.
You don’t need acres. You don’t need status.
You just need willingness.
I’m still learning. Still growing.
I’m currently working on growing rare purple basil—haven’t gotten it to flourish yet, but I’m trying.
And sometimes that’s all it takes: a little faith, a little dirt, and a real reason to get up in the morning.
Healing Through the Dirt
If your mind is spinning, put your hands in the soil.
If you’re grieving, plant something.
If you’re sober and fighting cravings—water something.
I don’t garden because I’m good at it. I garden because I need something real to hold onto.
Plants don’t lie. They don’t rush. They don’t judge.
They just grow with you—slowly, quietly, and consistently.
And somewhere in that rhythm… you start to heal.

My Garden Is My Sanctuary
I’m currently growing around 75 plants—tomatoes, sweet potatoes, beans, flowers, herbs.
I’ve collected over 50 types of seeds, each one a future waiting to unfold.
My porch? It’s overflowing with green life and calm energy.
When I tend to my plants, I’m tending to my mental health.
They reflect my energy.
They teach me to be present.
To care for something beyond myself.
And now I share that with others—through seeds, starter kits, and stories like this.

Let Gardening Be Your Peace Practice
Forget what Instagram says.
You don’t need aesthetics.
You need consistency.
You need quiet.
You need something that grows back when the world takes from you.
Gardening isn’t just self-care. It’s survival.
It’s sacred.
And it’s available to anyone willing to try.
Try This: A Garden-Fresh Basil & Cilantro Salad
Straight from the soil to your soul.
Ingredients:
1 handful of fresh basil (purple or sweet)
1 handful of fresh cilantro
1 small tomato, diced
1 cucumber, sliced or diced
1/2 red onion, thin sliced
Juice of 1 lime
Splash of olive oil
Salt, black pepper, garlic powder
Optional: splash of white vinegar for extra bite
Instructions:
Pick it fresh. That matters.
Tear the herbs by hand to release the oils.
Toss it all in a bowl.
Drizzle with oil and lime. Add seasoning and vinegar if you want that kick.
Let it sit for 10 minutes.
Eat it in the sun. Breathe. You’re alive.

Prayer, Stillness & Soil
Gardening saved my mental health.
But prayer and meditation gave me back my soul.
When the noise gets too loud, I stop. I breathe. I talk to God.
Sometimes I do it with my hands in the dirt.
And I swear… that soil prays back.

You’re Not Alone—You’re Just Waiting to Grow
If you’re reading this and you feel lost—start a garden.
Even if it’s just a cup of dirt on a windowsill.
Even if you kill the first seed. Try again.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still learning, still failing forward.
But I know this:
Gardening keeps me away from Lxqa—from that false peace that once almost killed me.
It reminds me that real peace takes work—but it lasts.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.
Because the world don’t revolve around hate.
It don’t revolve around fear.
It damn sure don’t revolve around money.
It revolves around love.
I've gardened more this year than I have collectively in the rest of my life, and it really does provide a gratifying peaceful purpose.