What Do I Think I Need Today?
- facethyfear
- Apr 10
- 3 min read
By Malcolm Pannell | FaceThyFear
“Take time every day to do something silly.”
—Philipa Walker
Mr. Seven sent me a prayer the other day:
“I pray that I may be ready to profess my belief in God before others. I pray that I may not be turned aside by the skepticism and cynicism of unbelievers.”
It got me thinking.
We don’t talk enough about the weight we carry just trying to be seen as whole, joyful, and faithful in a world that either mocks our hope or questions our healing.
Some days, I laugh easily. I don’t need much. A good song, a dumb joke, a memory that still makes me smile—I got a natural sense of humor, and even in the darkest seasons of my life, I found ways to crack jokes and keep it light. That’s not childish. That’s survival.
But underneath that, some days I feel it heavy.
So I sat with this question:
“What do I think I need today?”
I Need Rest
Not just a nap. Not zoning out on my phone.
I need soul-level rest.
The kind that loosens the knots in my back and slows down the racing thoughts.
The kind where I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone—not even myself.
I need to stop measuring my worth in productivity.
Stop trying to overcompensate for the time I lost in addiction.
Some days, just being alive and present is the win.
That’s enough.
I Need to Be Confident in My Faith
I believe in God.
That’s not a marketing line or a branding tactic.
It’s real.
My faith didn’t start on a church pew.
It started in a hospital bed, in liver failure, screaming for help.
It grew in the silence of rehab. It deepened when I walked away from people I used to sin with. It became unshakable when I stood up sober and stayed that way.
But even now, sometimes I hesitate to speak boldly.
Why? Because the world is full of skeptics. Because people raise eyebrows at a man who talks about God, healing, and grace—especially if he’s covered in tattoos, talks like me, or used to be in the streets.
Still, I know this:
God changed my life.
And I’m not hiding that for anybody.
I Need to Keep Becoming Him
If God whispered something to me right now, I think it would sound like this:
“You’ve already survived what should’ve killed you. Now live like it.”
Not halfway. Not with doubt.
With chest out. With clarity. With power.
I’ve already seen what happens when I shrink myself. When I second-guess my dreams. When I stay quiet so others feel comfortable in their disbelief.
I’m done with that.
I don’t need permission to heal. I don’t need approval to shine.
And I Still Need to Laugh
Laughter is divine.
It’s not weakness—it’s resistance.
It’s how we reclaim joy from pain.
So today, I’ll laugh without guilt.
Be silly. Be bold. Be free.
Because recovery taught me that I don’t have to earn joy—I just have to stop blocking it.
Ask Yourself
Take a moment and reflect. These helped me dig deeper, and they might do the same for you:
• What’s a need you’ve been afraid to say out loud?
• When was the last time you laughed for no reason at all?
• What would it look like to rest without guilt?
• Who or what makes you question your faith? And why do you still believe?
• If God spoke to you today, what do you think He’d say you truly need?
Final Word
Today, I need rest.
I need courage.
I need to remember that God’s not done with me yet.
And I need to love myself like I already believe that’s true.
FaceThyFear
From Darkness to Light.
You can’t put a shark on a leash.
© 2025 FaceThyFear™. All rights reserved.
This post may contain themes of recovery, spiritual growth, and emotional healing. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out. Help exists. You are not alone.
Comments